Friday, December 31, 2010

It's that time again...

Some of you know, but most of you probably don't.. that New Year's is my like my favorite holiday!  I love that everyone wants to get together and celebrate all of the good, and forget all of the bad, and the 31st is the day to do it.  Everyone gets out of the house, meets with friends and family... I love the feeling I get on this day.. where I know that in less then 24 hours a whole new year is beginning.  It could be a year of new beginnings, new possibilites, new goals... or, if you're content with the way things are... just celebrate everything good.   I usually have several "New Year's Resolutions" - but this year, I really haven't thought much about it... I mean, Sean and I have both said we are going to try to be healthier.. and hopefully quit smoking.  I also bought Sean and I both a one year study bible, and the Fireproof book - so I hope that we can both take the time each day to study, and pray and get closer to God, and as a couple. 

As for me, this year has been a weird one.  I learned a lot, made some new friends, lost some old ones.. learned what it is like to have a roommate - that sucked.  Learned how much Sean and his entire family mean to me, and I found out what my life would be like without any of them - again, that sucked.  I think Sean and I have taken our relationship to an entirely different level this year.  Things are so completely different then they have ever been before, and it's such a great feeling knowing that you have that comfort in someone. 

I learned how badly it hurts to loose a loved one.  I mean, I have lost friends, and family members.. but I think that this year, as an adult was the first time I have ever lost someone that I loved so so so much.  I am sure that Aunt Louise is hanging out in Heaven right now.. having a blast.  She is drinking coffee, and eating pig ears and turnip greens.. and laughing, oh, I bet she is laughing so hard.. she always had the best laugh!  She was sick and in pain for a very long time, and I know she is pain and  worry free now.  I also learned what it is like to have the largest panic attack of my entire life - when I got the call that an ambulance was coming to get my mother because she was having a heart attack.  That was a horrible feeling, and I am thankful that God has given her another chance at this lifetime - and I pray that she is actual making an effort.

So, I have had good and bad.  I have had up and down - but regardless of either, I am so excited to ring in the New Year with the people that I love tonight!  I can't wait to see everyone, and have a great safe night.. and then spend the day tomorrow watching football and eating turnip greens & black eyed peas :)

I hope that everyone has a blessed, and prosperous New Year, and a fun, but safe New Year's Eve!! 

Friday, December 10, 2010

3 months later...

Yes, I do realize that when I started this blog back in what?? September?? That I said I was going to update ALL THE TIME, and it was going to be great and wonderful and all that jazz... well, 3 months later, and 5 posts later... I am updating again.. Sorry.   A lot has happened in the past couple of months... but nothing too exciting.  Abigale is getting huge... and fat, and lazy.. we didn't get our house on the lake like we wanted.. Sean is staying busy with lots of work, my job role changed.. sort of.  We had to let some folks go at our work so now I am back on the front desk.. the mortgage business is super slow right now.. I am hoping things pick up soon! It's Christmas time, and we got our first real tree!! That's exciting, but it seems like it is dying rather quickly.. I hope it makes it to Christmas Day!!! I am almost done with all of my Christmas shopping, this makes me happy :) I also actually did Christmas Cards this year... look how cute they are!!

hmm... what else.. still haven't quit smoking, or drinking, or any of those things... still haven't lost the weight I wanted to loose... I really need to start on that :) I am happy and Sean is happy and that's all that matters! 

Ok, well like I said.. nothing interesting going on... check back in 2 more months... ;)

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

say when.. my lunch time rant.

          I am sitting here at my desk at work, on my lunch break - eating my Cracker Barrel Grilled Chicken Salad and I started thinking about how long it had been since I updated this blog... not as long as some, but longer then I had wanted to.  Well, I have about 15-20 min.. so I thought I would make a little update about what's on  my mind!!
           Things have been pretty good - work has been a little stressful, but I am still working as hard as I can to do a good job, and to learn as much as possible.  Moved all of my personal belongings out of the apartment - that is a good feeling.  That was the worst mistake Mr. Bunn and I have ever made!! We have been talking a lot recently about our future and things we want to do together.. and ways to better ourselves, and our families and our lives.  It's a really good feeling when you know something is real.  It might have taken a long time - but there is no doubt in my mind that I am meant to be Mrs. Bunn. :) He is such a wonderful person, and he is so good to me!!
          I have been struggling here recently about the pull that has been heavy on my heart for about the past year.  I am still confused, and I don't know where I stand.  I am sick of bad attitudes and negativity - but yet I know that the bad attitudes effect my attitude and I am no longer happy go lucky and smiley smiley..   I get mad and upset and angry.  I get angry when I feel like people always judge me, and that people never accept responsibility for their bad attitudes.. they always expect me to be the first to apologize.  I can't tell you the last time I got an apology that actually MEANT something to me.  As bad as some people that are very close to me have hurt me in the past year.. I just forgive, forget and move on.. I don't know how I forgive -when technically there is no apology.. but somehow I have done it.  I can only stretch myself out so far, and so thin.   I need people in my life that respect me, that are positive,and loving and don't have something to bitch at me or to me about ALL THE TIME!  I need people that are supportive and happy and cheerful and fun-loving.  I need people who MEET IN THE MIDDLE and don't ALWAYS expect things to happen in their favor.  I need people who are willing to drive to McCalla for dinner - not just always expect me to go to their end of town.  I need people who sometimes do things that I ask them to do without griping or complaining about it.  I need people who when I invite them to do things with me, that occassionaly they go, and don't always make up an excuse.  If people want to see me, then they need to start asking me to do things, and accepting my invitations.  I am so sick of asking people to do this, or do that, or meet me here, or get involved, or be a friend, or whatever... and they never show... and then I turn around and see their lives on FB, or hear about it through other people and they're always out doing stuff.. and I never get a text, or phone call.  What is even worse, is if I invite someone a dozen times to do something - like watch a football game, or have dinner, or go shopping and they don't come - so then FINALLY I stop asking them to do those things.. and when I go with someone else the other person gets jealous.. that MAYBE I am getting TOO close to someone else... then that jealousy turns into a bad attitude, a fight occurs.. and then I am expected to apologize... well, not anymore.  If you can't accept an invitation or 2, and if you always are taking someone else's side over mine.. then I am done.. I am not backing down anymore... I refuse.

ok - I feel better.. time to get back to work.  that is all.

Next post will be a happy one, promise.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Cookin' for my Momma'

I offered to cook my mom dinner today - I am glad I did.  I had a great time.  It was good to just chill out and talk - even though I still don't think she was feelinig very well.  She is making a much better effort then I thought she was about the quitting smoking thing!! Which is GREAT!  She said she has only had 1/2 pack since she got home from the hospital on Sunday.. that was very encouraging!  It made me feel a lot better about things!! Anyway, I cooked Italian baked chicken, bowtie pasta with fire-roasted tomatos, zuchinni and squash and a nice salad topped with fresh Feta cheese!!!  Mom thought that it was wonderful, and she said it "saved her life" :) hehe.. she must have really hated that hospital food!! haha!!

I can't wait until Sean and I are in the new house... I am inviting EVERYONE over for dinner and stuff all the time!! I can't wait to entertain our friends and family :) I am really getting excited about the house!! This kitchen is going to be so fun to cook in!!

And to grill on the deck that overlooks the lake!!!


Monday, September 20, 2010

My Brain is on FIIRRREEEE

There are so many things that are on my mind right now, that I am not sure where to start.. most of them are pretty negative.. so I should probably just go to sleep and not write any of them.  However, it is 12:35AM, I am missing my other half, Abigale is wide awake, and I have had too much caffeine.  So, I guess I will write.  Maybe I will just make a list of things on my mind.. that sounds like a good idea...

1. Went to Kings of Leon at Verizon Wireless Center tonight... I was not hugely impressed (but had a good time nonetheless - thanks Heather)!! I was way too consumed with the people that were there.  I am such a people watcher.. and there was SO much too see there... too much to even begin discussing it... however, I do know - that even though I was completely sober tonight, that I have never been as drunk as probably 65% of the people that were there.. and it was MONDAY NIGHT! I would like to know the ratio of people that miss work/school tomorrow.

2. Abigale eats everything - I cannot buy her toys without her utterly destroying them.. it kind of makes me angry.

3. Another thought on Abigale.  Am I the only mom that feels guilty leaving their 4 legged baby at home to go do things at night?  I felt horrible that she was at home locked up.  I mean, I know that I kennel her all day while I am at work, so it would be just inhumane if I left her every night to go do something.. but I just always feel SOO guilty.  I wish I could take her everywhere... my precious little angel :) I am assuming that these guilty feelings will get better once we have the new house, with the yard.. I hope that she adjusts and likes to be outside.

4. I love Cheez-its.  They're pretty much my favorite snack, ever. And I am NOT talking about those flavored kinds, that just gets too complicated.. I am talking only about the plain ol' cheez-it (however, I do buy the reduced fat kind).

5. Bought a new dress today, it's super cute.. and it was super cheap - and that makes me SOO happy.

6. I can't stand the thought of infidelity.  A husband cheating on their wife, or vice-versa.  I mean, most people "appear" to hate this - but I really really do.  Like the most disgusting thing to me, is seeing a man, that you KNOW is married - who on any given day wears a wedding band.. but all of a sudden you seem him out, at a concert having some sort of "guy's night out" - and he is with random girl(s) and what??? magically his ring has disappeared, and can be found in the console of his car, or in his pocket.  Disgusting.  Makes me so mad, and it makes me immediately loose all respect for the parties involved.

7. In the same sense - I can't stand woman that know that a man is married, or even in a committed relationship and continue to "feed" the man's fire. I do understand that both parties are at fault - but really.. the man is married - and his wife has no idea (or maybe she does, and hasn't acted on it), but the wife has no idea that he is out talking to you... leave him the hell alone.  It doesn't matter how "unhappily" married a man or woman might be - marriage is still marriage.. respect it.  No one does anymore, and this upsets me horribly. 

8. I am watching Sean's favorite show - "The Squidbillies"... this show is absolutely and totally ridiculous - but I watch it because it makes Sean laugh - uncontrollably, and that makes me smile :)

9.  I am sleeping on the couch tonight, so I can sleep with my dog.  That is also ridiculous.

10. I cannot stand automated phone systems, sometimes, you just need to talk to a human being - a human being that speaks English would be a double bonus.

I think I might be sleepy now.  I am sure that there are a bazillion misspelled words and grammatical errors, but I don't care.  Good night.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

She comes by it, honest.

               So, I have been pretty down on myself lately, and the main reason is because of my lack of motivation, and self-control... and how to change this.  I really like having my day scheduled, and planned... and I live and work better with routine.  I hate chaos, stress I can deal with - but chaos and being unorganized not so much.  There are so many things that I have been wanting to do, and changes that I have been wanting to make, but it seems like mentally I will get motivated, and then it will fade away overnight. 
              The hospital let my mom go home today, and based on the first conversation I had with her after being home, I absolultley see where the "lacking" comes from.  My mom, who suffered a pretty bad heart attack on Friday has decided to pretty much not take anything from this.  She is not using this as her second chance at life, or an eye opening "slap across the face" or anything like I had hoped (but either did my dad, so I guess that's just par for this course).  She is not even going to make any sort of effort to change her lifestyle, or quit smoking.  I will continue to pray that she will slowly progress and realize that it is NOT impossible to quit smoking and that her family (with the exception of my dad, her husband) are going to quit with her (Kelly - I hope that Scott and you stick with this as well). 
              Another one of my lifestyle changes I have been wanting to make is for Sean and I (and the rest of my family) to not only start attending church (however, this is the 1st step) - but I also want to get involved, within the church, and the community and start studying and doing devotionals.. I need to fall back into that again.  It makes me feel so much better and it just seems that life flows so much smoother when you are in a good place with God.  Sean, Michael and I went to church with my dad and Uncle Richard (my grandmother - rememeber the insane one I was talking about Richard is her husband)... anyway, it was so great to be back at church with my dad there - I wish wish wish that him and my mom would start going back and getting involved there again.   I really like that church, and Pastor Mike  is great.  He spoke a little bit today about fair-weather Christians that really made me think..  I am sure I will be writing a blog about that someday soon also.
              Um, so not real sure what direction I was going with this - other then i hope that I can stick to these changes - I am going to get to bed, just took another Phenegran... should sleep great!! Good Night!

Friday, September 17, 2010

Here we go!!

          So, I have been contemplating starting this blog for a while now - in fact, I signed up for blog spot in August of 2009, and never even so much as titled it.  I never really knew what I wanted to write about, or who the heck would read it - and if anyone did read it, would they really care what was going on in my head.. doubt it!  Well, I finally decided today that I didn't really care.  I want to share my world with myself - my brain is so cloudy and chaotic most of the time - that I thought if I would take my thoughts and write them down, that maybe I could follow them a little easier.
         The past year has been a rollercoaster ride - but I have learned so much and come so far.  I learned what it's like to have my own place, and I learned what it's like to live with a roommate.  I housetrained a puppy (she is my life, you will see this soon), I broke up with, and got back together a dozen times with my main squeeze (that's a whole other blog in itself - we will get to that).  I got into several fights with my family - that only made me appreciate them even more.  I lost 30 lbs, and gained it all back again (but that's gonna change soon too)...  We buried my beautiful Aunt Louise - don't think I am ready for that blog yet..  and my other Aunt Tina was diagnosed with Breast Cancer just last month.  There has been lots of sickness - and some health...
          The big news that is on my mind tonight though, is my awesome mother.  My mom is a strong, hard- headed woman (hey, I get it honest)...  and this afternoon she had a heart attack.  He had 90% blockage in her coronary artery.  Do you understand how close of a call this was.  It never ceases to amaze me what God will do to slap you across the face to wake you up.  Our God is a Mighty Mighty God - and his Grace is abundant, and overflowing!! I am so blessed to have my family.  My awesome parents - my goofy ass brother (and who better be his soon to be wife) :) my crazy (literally, insane) Grandmother and her loving, supportive husband.  My awesome boyfriend, that loves and cares for me (and my family).. and not to mention all of his family that are incredible too!! 
          So, my parents - who are both 55, have both in the past 9 years suffered what could have been fatal heart attacks.  This makes me cringe at the thought of living the rest of my life the way I do now.  I have got to stop smoking, start eating right, start exercising and I want everyone to join me (especially those that I mentioned in the paragraph previous).  I am so thankful that my mother is as strong as she is, and that God allowed her another chance.  I just pray that we all look at it that way, as a second chance - and that it will teach us to be healthier, happier and more loving individuals :) So, I guess this blog will be a follow up on all of this - and just a general glimpse into everything that is.. us.