She comes by it, honest.

               So, I have been pretty down on myself lately, and the main reason is because of my lack of motivation, and self-control... and how to change this.  I really like having my day scheduled, and planned... and I live and work better with routine.  I hate chaos, stress I can deal with - but chaos and being unorganized not so much.  There are so many things that I have been wanting to do, and changes that I have been wanting to make, but it seems like mentally I will get motivated, and then it will fade away overnight. 
              The hospital let my mom go home today, and based on the first conversation I had with her after being home, I absolultley see where the "lacking" comes from.  My mom, who suffered a pretty bad heart attack on Friday has decided to pretty much not take anything from this.  She is not using this as her second chance at life, or an eye opening "slap across the face" or anything like I had hoped (but either did my dad, so I guess that's just par for this course).  She is not even going to make any sort of effort to change her lifestyle, or quit smoking.  I will continue to pray that she will slowly progress and realize that it is NOT impossible to quit smoking and that her family (with the exception of my dad, her husband) are going to quit with her (Kelly - I hope that Scott and you stick with this as well). 
              Another one of my lifestyle changes I have been wanting to make is for Sean and I (and the rest of my family) to not only start attending church (however, this is the 1st step) - but I also want to get involved, within the church, and the community and start studying and doing devotionals.. I need to fall back into that again.  It makes me feel so much better and it just seems that life flows so much smoother when you are in a good place with God.  Sean, Michael and I went to church with my dad and Uncle Richard (my grandmother - rememeber the insane one I was talking about Richard is her husband)... anyway, it was so great to be back at church with my dad there - I wish wish wish that him and my mom would start going back and getting involved there again.   I really like that church, and Pastor Mike  is great.  He spoke a little bit today about fair-weather Christians that really made me think..  I am sure I will be writing a blog about that someday soon also.
              Um, so not real sure what direction I was going with this - other then i hope that I can stick to these changes - I am going to get to bed, just took another Phenegran... should sleep great!! Good Night!