I am sitting here at my desk at work, on my lunch break - eating my Cracker Barrel Grilled Chicken Salad and I started thinking about how long it had been since I updated this blog... not as long as some, but longer then I had wanted to. Well, I have about 15-20 min.. so I thought I would make a little update about what's on my mind!!
Things have been pretty good - work has been a little stressful, but I am still working as hard as I can to do a good job, and to learn as much as possible. Moved all of my personal belongings out of the apartment - that is a good feeling. That was the worst mistake Mr. Bunn and I have ever made!! We have been talking a lot recently about our future and things we want to do together.. and ways to better ourselves, and our families and our lives. It's a really good feeling when you know something is real. It might have taken a long time - but there is no doubt in my mind that I am meant to be Mrs. Bunn. :) He is such a wonderful person, and he is so good to me!!
I have been struggling here recently about the pull that has been heavy on my heart for about the past year. I am still confused, and I don't know where I stand. I am sick of bad attitudes and negativity - but yet I know that the bad attitudes effect my attitude and I am no longer happy go lucky and smiley smiley.. I get mad and upset and angry. I get angry when I feel like people always judge me, and that people never accept responsibility for their bad attitudes.. they always expect me to be the first to apologize. I can't tell you the last time I got an apology that actually MEANT something to me. As bad as some people that are very close to me have hurt me in the past year.. I just forgive, forget and move on.. I don't know how I forgive -when technically there is no apology.. but somehow I have done it. I can only stretch myself out so far, and so thin. I need people in my life that respect me, that are positive,and loving and don't have something to bitch at me or to me about ALL THE TIME! I need people that are supportive and happy and cheerful and fun-loving. I need people who MEET IN THE MIDDLE and don't ALWAYS expect things to happen in their favor. I need people who are willing to drive to McCalla for dinner - not just always expect me to go to their end of town. I need people who sometimes do things that I ask them to do without griping or complaining about it. I need people who when I invite them to do things with me, that occassionaly they go, and don't always make up an excuse. If people want to see me, then they need to start asking me to do things, and accepting my invitations. I am so sick of asking people to do this, or do that, or meet me here, or get involved, or be a friend, or whatever... and they never show... and then I turn around and see their lives on FB, or hear about it through other people and they're always out doing stuff.. and I never get a text, or phone call. What is even worse, is if I invite someone a dozen times to do something - like watch a football game, or have dinner, or go shopping and they don't come - so then FINALLY I stop asking them to do those things.. and when I go with someone else the other person gets jealous.. that MAYBE I am getting TOO close to someone else... then that jealousy turns into a bad attitude, a fight occurs.. and then I am expected to apologize... well, not anymore. If you can't accept an invitation or 2, and if you always are taking someone else's side over mine.. then I am done.. I am not backing down anymore... I refuse.
ok - I feel better.. time to get back to work. that is all.
Next post will be a happy one, promise.
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