Cookin' for my Momma'

I offered to cook my mom dinner today - I am glad I did.  I had a great time.  It was good to just chill out and talk - even though I still don't think she was feelinig very well.  She is making a much better effort then I thought she was about the quitting smoking thing!! Which is GREAT!  She said she has only had 1/2 pack since she got home from the hospital on Sunday.. that was very encouraging!  It made me feel a lot better about things!! Anyway, I cooked Italian baked chicken, bowtie pasta with fire-roasted tomatos, zuchinni and squash and a nice salad topped with fresh Feta cheese!!!  Mom thought that it was wonderful, and she said it "saved her life" :) hehe.. she must have really hated that hospital food!! haha!!

I can't wait until Sean and I are in the new house... I am inviting EVERYONE over for dinner and stuff all the time!! I can't wait to entertain our friends and family :) I am really getting excited about the house!! This kitchen is going to be so fun to cook in!!

And to grill on the deck that overlooks the lake!!!

SOOO EXCITED :) :) :)

My Brain is on FIIRRREEEE

There are so many things that are on my mind right now, that I am not sure where to start.. most of them are pretty negative.. so I should probably just go to sleep and not write any of them.  However, it is 12:35AM, I am missing my other half, Abigale is wide awake, and I have had too much caffeine.  So, I guess I will write.  Maybe I will just make a list of things on my mind.. that sounds like a good idea...

1. Went to Kings of Leon at Verizon Wireless Center tonight... I was not hugely impressed (but had a good time nonetheless - thanks Heather)!! I was way too consumed with the people that were there.  I am such a people watcher.. and there was SO much too see there... too much to even begin discussing it... however, I do know - that even though I was completely sober tonight, that I have never been as drunk as probably 65% of the people that were there.. and it was MONDAY NIGHT! I would like to know the ratio of people that miss work/school tomorrow.

2. Abigale eats everything - I cannot buy her toys without her utterly destroying them.. it kind of makes me angry.

3. Another thought on Abigale.  Am I the only mom that feels guilty leaving their 4 legged baby at home to go do things at night?  I felt horrible that she was at home locked up.  I mean, I know that I kennel her all day while I am at work, so it would be just inhumane if I left her every night to go do something.. but I just always feel SOO guilty.  I wish I could take her everywhere... my precious little angel :) I am assuming that these guilty feelings will get better once we have the new house, with the yard.. I hope that she adjusts and likes to be outside.

4. I love Cheez-its.  They're pretty much my favorite snack, ever. And I am NOT talking about those flavored kinds, that just gets too complicated.. I am talking only about the plain ol' cheez-it (however, I do buy the reduced fat kind).

5. Bought a new dress today, it's super cute.. and it was super cheap - and that makes me SOO happy.

6. I can't stand the thought of infidelity.  A husband cheating on their wife, or vice-versa.  I mean, most people "appear" to hate this - but I really really do.  Like the most disgusting thing to me, is seeing a man, that you KNOW is married - who on any given day wears a wedding band.. but all of a sudden you seem him out, at a concert having some sort of "guy's night out" - and he is with random girl(s) and what??? magically his ring has disappeared, and can be found in the console of his car, or in his pocket.  Disgusting.  Makes me so mad, and it makes me immediately loose all respect for the parties involved.

7. In the same sense - I can't stand woman that know that a man is married, or even in a committed relationship and continue to "feed" the man's fire. I do understand that both parties are at fault - but really.. the man is married - and his wife has no idea (or maybe she does, and hasn't acted on it), but the wife has no idea that he is out talking to you... leave him the hell alone.  It doesn't matter how "unhappily" married a man or woman might be - marriage is still marriage.. respect it.  No one does anymore, and this upsets me horribly. 

8. I am watching Sean's favorite show - "The Squidbillies"... this show is absolutely and totally ridiculous - but I watch it because it makes Sean laugh - uncontrollably, and that makes me smile :)

9.  I am sleeping on the couch tonight, so I can sleep with my dog.  That is also ridiculous.

10. I cannot stand automated phone systems, sometimes, you just need to talk to a human being - a human being that speaks English would be a double bonus.

I think I might be sleepy now.  I am sure that there are a bazillion misspelled words and grammatical errors, but I don't care.  Good night.

She comes by it, honest.

               So, I have been pretty down on myself lately, and the main reason is because of my lack of motivation, and self-control... and how to change this.  I really like having my day scheduled, and planned... and I live and work better with routine.  I hate chaos, stress I can deal with - but chaos and being unorganized not so much.  There are so many things that I have been wanting to do, and changes that I have been wanting to make, but it seems like mentally I will get motivated, and then it will fade away overnight. 
              The hospital let my mom go home today, and based on the first conversation I had with her after being home, I absolultley see where the "lacking" comes from.  My mom, who suffered a pretty bad heart attack on Friday has decided to pretty much not take anything from this.  She is not using this as her second chance at life, or an eye opening "slap across the face" or anything like I had hoped (but either did my dad, so I guess that's just par for this course).  She is not even going to make any sort of effort to change her lifestyle, or quit smoking.  I will continue to pray that she will slowly progress and realize that it is NOT impossible to quit smoking and that her family (with the exception of my dad, her husband) are going to quit with her (Kelly - I hope that Scott and you stick with this as well). 
              Another one of my lifestyle changes I have been wanting to make is for Sean and I (and the rest of my family) to not only start attending church (however, this is the 1st step) - but I also want to get involved, within the church, and the community and start studying and doing devotionals.. I need to fall back into that again.  It makes me feel so much better and it just seems that life flows so much smoother when you are in a good place with God.  Sean, Michael and I went to church with my dad and Uncle Richard (my grandmother - rememeber the insane one I was talking about Richard is her husband)... anyway, it was so great to be back at church with my dad there - I wish wish wish that him and my mom would start going back and getting involved there again.   I really like that church, and Pastor Mike  is great.  He spoke a little bit today about fair-weather Christians that really made me think..  I am sure I will be writing a blog about that someday soon also.
              Um, so not real sure what direction I was going with this - other then i hope that I can stick to these changes - I am going to get to bed, just took another Phenegran... should sleep great!! Good Night!

Here we go!!

          So, I have been contemplating starting this blog for a while now - in fact, I signed up for blog spot in August of 2009, and never even so much as titled it.  I never really knew what I wanted to write about, or who the heck would read it - and if anyone did read it, would they really care what was going on in my head.. doubt it!  Well, I finally decided today that I didn't really care.  I want to share my world with myself - my brain is so cloudy and chaotic most of the time - that I thought if I would take my thoughts and write them down, that maybe I could follow them a little easier.
         The past year has been a rollercoaster ride - but I have learned so much and come so far.  I learned what it's like to have my own place, and I learned what it's like to live with a roommate.  I housetrained a puppy (she is my life, you will see this soon), I broke up with, and got back together a dozen times with my main squeeze (that's a whole other blog in itself - we will get to that).  I got into several fights with my family - that only made me appreciate them even more.  I lost 30 lbs, and gained it all back again (but that's gonna change soon too)...  We buried my beautiful Aunt Louise - don't think I am ready for that blog yet..  and my other Aunt Tina was diagnosed with Breast Cancer just last month.  There has been lots of sickness - and some health...
          The big news that is on my mind tonight though, is my awesome mother.  My mom is a strong, hard- headed woman (hey, I get it honest)...  and this afternoon she had a heart attack.  He had 90% blockage in her coronary artery.  Do you understand how close of a call this was.  It never ceases to amaze me what God will do to slap you across the face to wake you up.  Our God is a Mighty Mighty God - and his Grace is abundant, and overflowing!! I am so blessed to have my family.  My awesome parents - my goofy ass brother (and who better be his soon to be wife) :) my crazy (literally, insane) Grandmother and her loving, supportive husband.  My awesome boyfriend, that loves and cares for me (and my family).. and not to mention all of his family that are incredible too!! 
          So, my parents - who are both 55, have both in the past 9 years suffered what could have been fatal heart attacks.  This makes me cringe at the thought of living the rest of my life the way I do now.  I have got to stop smoking, start eating right, start exercising and I want everyone to join me (especially those that I mentioned in the paragraph previous).  I am so thankful that my mother is as strong as she is, and that God allowed her another chance.  I just pray that we all look at it that way, as a second chance - and that it will teach us to be healthier, happier and more loving individuals :) So, I guess this blog will be a follow up on all of this - and just a general glimpse into everything that is.. us.